Overcome imposter syndrome and boost your confidence.
Recently, I noticed I was being a complete jerk to myself.
I lost all confidence.
I started feeling stressed out.
And I was taking a victim attitude toward life, which is the complete opposite of how I have been living my life the last few years.
So what happened?
It’s an imposter syndrome phenomenon, making you feel like you are less than you are.
It seems real, but it is really all pretend and self-inflicted.
Nonetheless, the imposter syndrome had snuck up on me, bit me in the pants, and held on for dear life while I fought to move forward and put those negative feelings in my rearview mirror.
So, in this article, I want to explore how I deal with imposter syndrome and get my mindset back on track.
I’ll start with what happened to me, then dive into more about the imposter syndrome and how I deal with it, and then go through why I was able to notice it happening (because it helps if you can catch it early).
I started doubting myself
For the past several weeks, I have been planning some changes to my life. Professionally, I started writing for clients and other websites. Personally, I am trying to coordinate a move to live in Dan Nang, Vietnam, in 2024. All positive things, but my mind is racing more than usual.
Somewhere along the lines, the imposter syndrome bug bit me while I was trying to wrap my brain around everything. I know it was imposter syndrome because I started saying the craziest things to myself:
“What do you know?”
“Take the safe road and get a corporate job.”
“Nobody will read your work.”
“Just move back to the States.”
We’ve all been there, right? And now that I am past those feelings, it’s silly when I look back on the power I gave it. Still, while I empowered the imposter syndrome to temporarily control my thoughts, it was kind of depressing and induced some stress and mild anxiety.
That is what the imposter syndrome does; it makes you doubt your abilities, downplay or ignore your accomplishments, and start to feel like someone you are not (you know, like an imposter).
So, let’s talk about imposter syndrome, some signals to be aware of, and some ways to get rid of that feeling and move forward positively. Keep in mind I am not a psychologist, but I have gotten good about practicing mindfulness and working on my mental health, so I hope my writing about my experiences helps kindle your own ideas.
Defining imposter syndrome
When you Google “imposter syndrome,” you get a bunch of what I like to call “fancy pants” definitions, but it boils down to this: it makes you feel like you are not as talented as you really are, that anything you have done thus far in life can be attributed to luck instead of what was rightfully earned. It makes you feel like a fraud, preventing you from trying new things and stepping out of your comfort zone.
Sounds yummy, right? But wait, there’s more.
Because you feel like you can’t do something in one area of your life, left unchecked, it starts to permeate into the other areas too, so you end up totally depressed, feeling that everything is pointless, oh, and it prevents you from being able to move anything forward in your life. You are basically frozen in a stressful place.
So, yeah. There’s all that; total shit sandwich.
But here’s the thing: the imposter syndrome is an imposter (I know, how meta) because it is not real. It is merely a figment of your own imagination. It is totally self-imposed, which means we can notice when it happens, take action to combat it now, and learn from the experience to manage it better in the future. (So turn that frown upside down, buttercup).
Signs of imposter syndrome
As I mentioned earlier, I recently started feeling pessimistic about my abilities and struggled to get my head around what was happening to take action to correct it.
Now, I’ve spent the last few years practicing mindfulness daily, and I have gotten pretty good at recognizing and eliminating negativity in my life. But I’m only human and subject to all the beautiful imperfections that come along with that, including letting my guard down from time to time.
How do we recognize when the imposter syndrome starts? Well, I don’t think you notice immediately because it is sneaky; it doesn’t appear all at once. Instead, it progresses slowly with a negative thought here and an unsubstantiated doubt there. If we let those signs of negativity go unnoticed (and unchecked), then they eventually stack on top of each other and may become problematic (imposter syndrome).
Everyone is different, so let me use myself as an example.
I’d say the last three weeks were problematic. Three weeks ago, I started noticing things that were unlike me, but I really didn’t comprehend them until now; things like not falling asleep right away, needing an afternoon coffee instead of wanting one, and difficulty focusing on tasks. Nothing too worrisome, just slightly out of the norm for me, and I didn’t do anything about it.
Then, the next week (two weeks ago), I noticed that I wasn’t doing much at all willingly; I still got my exercise in, was eating well, and getting all my work done, but everything felt like it took longer to do, and I felt the quality was not as good. I felt lethargic on my runs, ate fast, and kept redoing the same work over and over again.
〰️
Side note: As I said, everyone is different, but from what I have read, it is common for people experiencing the imposter syndrome to feel the following ways:
Lack of self-confidence
Feeling less compared to others
Quick to get stressed out
Always self-doubting yourself
You feel inadequate
Reverting to, and living in, the past
Fear of success and future
Brushing off compliments
〰️
Then, the last week reached an apex for me, where I started stressing and worrying about things I seldom think about, like running out of money and not writing enough. I was anxious about traveling full-time. Said another way, I started to feel unhappy about my life.
That’s when I called bullshit on myself.
Several years ago, I had some mental health issues to work through. I had trouble going to work or even to the grocery store because of stress and anxiety/panic attacks. But after working through those issues (and resolving them), I’m now traveling SE Asia full-time, living out of a backpack, and writing about living intentionally with contentment.
Said another way, I absolutely love my life.
My days are filled with only things I want and nothing else. It took years to finally accomplish, but I finally curated the lifestyle I always wanted and am living my dream. So that’s when I sat down and had a heart-to-heart with myself and decided to kick some imposter syndrome in the butt.
Dealing with imposter syndrome
When you notice the effects of imposter syndrome, you need to experiment and find ways to address what you are feeling. Practicing mindfulness works well, but for those unfamiliar with that, consider some of these suggestions I have specific to dealing with imposter syndrome.
Take a few hours to think things through. Almost without exception, the negative mental stress disappears when I spend a few hours mentally processing a problem. Even if the problem persists, the stress and anxiety it causes are usually gone. Concerning imposter syndrome, remember it is not a real problem, so it will go away. It feels real, but once you catch it and think through it, it melts away, and you can feel the weight lifted.
Slow down and breathe. It has been my experience that anytime I feel stressed, anxious, sad, or in any way uncomfortable, slowing my life down allows me to rationally evaluate my emotions. Set aside those few hours to think about this, turn off electronics, avoid interruptions, and find some quiet time. I often find closing my eyes and doing some breathing exercises really centers me and is a positive way to start the process because I become more accepting of openly thinking about my situation.
Be in the present. This is not a time to think about what happened yesterday or in the past, nor the time to plan the future. We need to focus on one specific topic: why we are feeling less than we are right now in this moment (aka imposter syndrome).
Accept your feelings. If you are new to this process, this is the most challenging part, but don’t lie to yourself. There was a time in my life when I would go to the doctor with a problem and feel the urge to lie to them because I was afraid of the result if I was honest. LOL, so stupid, but I used to feel that way. We all know that they can’t help us unless we are honest about what is going on with our health, and it is also true when we self-evaluate. It will be awkward, but just be honest. If you’re not, you won’t fix anything. But if you’re honest, you can fix anything.
Have a conversation with yourself. While you are taking time to focus inwardly, start thinking about your imposter syndrome situation and begin asking yourself questions. I don’t talk out loud to myself when I do this, although I do have a literal conversion in my head. Let it fly, and just start asking yourself questions randomly about how you feel and see where the conversation goes.
〰️
If you are wondering, these are the pertinent parts from my self-conversation that helped move me past this nasty imposter syndrome (questions and answers obviously paraphrased):
Why were you feeling afraid of the future? I was scared I wouldn’t be able to make everything work out and fail, and then I would have to go back to a corporate job and possibly be unable to travel full-time.
So, if you fail at your writing career, you’d have to return to the corporate world, where you’d get a steady paycheck. That is what you are afraid of? (I didn’t answer this because it’s self-evident that it was not a real fear; I was just being childish. At first, I laughed at myself and then even gave myself the “Oh, you poor baby. Are you going to be ok?” speech in an aggressively sarcastic tone.
What will you do to put yourself in the best position for success? I will learn to write better content and write more often, read more, seek input and ideas, and increase my outreach.
What would you do if you could do anything in the world for a living and live any way you want? Other than having a little bit more money in my budget each month, I would do exactly what I am doing now: writing and traveling.
Final analysis? I’m good. Nothing to see here. Move along.
〰️
Once I noticed that I was feeling the effects of imposter syndrome, I could take action. Because I was honest with my emotions during self-evaluation, I instantly resolved those negative thoughts. It is amazing how the brain can sometimes work with or against you.
Some closing thoughts
Well, that is my story about dealing with imposter syndrome recently. We all experience it to mild degrees occasionally; it is a healthy emotion in tiny doses and can even help reaffirm a direction or opinion.
The real problem occurs when it lingers and manifests into something more problematic, which can impact your lifestyle. So when you notice you are feeling negative about things, try to slow down, breathe, get your head around your emotions, and process the root issues.
Also, if you ever think you need help sorting these things out, don’t hesitate to reach out to a loved one or professional.
Be well. You matter.
