Ask these 10 questions to discover what matters in life.
I used to always be busy doing something; when I finished one task, I immediately started another.
Yet, for all this effort, I always had a feeling that I lacked interest in my accomplishments, and I seldom felt fulfilled in what I was doing.
After working through why this was, I concluded that I was not focusing my thoughts and actions on what I wanted to do and what was most important to me.
I allowed external influences to redirect my actions instead of staying on the course I wanted.
I failed to understand and prioritize what was important in my life, and how I was spending my days was often totally different from what I wanted out of life.
This disconnect is what made me unhappy and unfulfilled; with each passing day, I enjoyed life a little less.
So, in this article, I want to highlight some questions I always ask myself to flush out exactly what is important to me in my life, and revisiting them often helps keep me aligned with a purpose (and avoid autopilot mode).
10 questions to identify what matters most in life
Here are some recommendations for identifying the most essential and desired things in your life.
1. Where do you spend time?
Reflecting on how you spend your time offers valuable insights into your overall preferences and priorities. It’s our natural inclination to gravitate towards the most enjoyable and meaningful activities, so taking a moment to reflect on your typical day may provide some level of self-awareness. Consider the places you go, the things you work on, and even the emotions accompanying these moments.
Where do we spend the majority of our time? Is it at work, at home, or somewhere else entirely?
What do we do during our free time? Do we engage in activities that we genuinely enjoy and find fulfilling, or do we simply pass the time with mindless distractions?
How do we feel throughout the day? Are we energized and motivated, or do we feel drained and bored?
Do you smile and laugh often? Do we find joy in the little things, or do we take life too seriously?
When I started this process, I tried my best to document my daily activities, creating an informal but fairly detailed record. The following day, I’d review my notes, and then I’d add some comments about my likes and dislikes, evaluating my moods and questioning the necessity of each task. This process helps identify what truly matters to us because by examining these patterns, we can better figure out our passions and priorities, which directs us toward more intentional and fulfilling actions.
2. Where do you spend money?
Understanding our spending habits can provide valuable insight into our priorities and values. By taking the time to reflect on our purchases, we can gain a better understanding of our relationship with money and how it aligns with what is important to us.
Here are some additional tips to help you gain more insight into your spending habits:
Categorize your transactions. Group your spending into different categories, like groceries, entertainment, transportation, etc., to give you a transparent view of where your money is going.
Identify your needs vs. wants. Look at each transaction and determine whether it was a necessity or a luxury. Ask yourself if you could have done without it or if there was a less expensive alternative.
Consider the emotional connection. Reflect on how each purchase made you feel. Did it bring you joy or satisfaction? Or did it leave you feeling guilty or regretful?
Evaluate the long-term impact. Think about the long-term consequences of each purchase. Will it provide long-term value, or will it be a short-lived pleasure that you’ll quickly forget about? Then compare that to what you value most and see if there is alignment or disparity.
By taking a closer look at our spending habits, we can make more informed decisions about how we allocate our money and ensure that our purchases align with our values and priorities.
3. What do you daydream about?
This might sound loopy, but hear me out. Initially, daydreaming for me was just a little refuge from an unfulfilling life. However, I soon discovered that it could serve a more practical purpose, like helping me define what I truly wanted in my life.
Then, I actually started to intentionally daydream. I would envision my ideal lifestyle in detail: my work, my home, and even my location. And the more I delved deeper, specific themes emerged and repeated themselves; for me, it was my love for travel and writing. Therefore, it became evident these are things important to me.
This daydreaming exercise helped me clarify my priorities and was a useful tool that helped me design and curate my desired lifestyle.
4. What are your core values?
Defining your core values can be a little tricky if you are not used to self-reflecting on things. Nonetheless, it’s a meaningful exercise in determining what you stand for and how you want to live your life. Start by jotting down everything that resonates with you. For instance, these are some of my values that I might list:
I prioritize living slowly in a fast-paced world.
I am committed to being true to myself, regardless of societal pressures.
I prioritize my wellness by nourishing my mind and body.
Put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and just start writing what enters your mind, and keep a running list because you’ll think of new ideas, delete old ones, and want to tweak the current ones. It’s just how this exercise goes. But when you clearly understand what you stand for (values), it becomes easier to decide what truly matters in your life.
5. Where do you make commitments?
Commitments reflect our priorities, much like purchasing decisions, in that they are transactional and express our willingness to follow through on a promise to ourselves or others. Spend time assessing all of our commitments and ask ourselves some revealing questions like:
Do we overcommit? Are all of our obligations necessary?
Can we reduce our responsibilities?
How does each commitment make us feel?
The answers will often shed light on how we prioritize events. Some commitments, such as work and family obligations, are unchanging. Although we can adapt how we handle them, they will always be present. Conversely, many commitments are fluid, and we have the ability to limit what we agree to. However, both can be equally telling.
6. When do you say yes and no?
We make countless decisions each day, some of which require us to say yes or no. Evaluating why we make these choices and how they align with our goals is important. Do we say yes because we want to, feel obligated to, or seek approval? Are we afraid of offending others by saying no?
For example, wellness is a top priority in my life, so I try to keep my mind and body as healthy as possible. However, I also prioritize staying frugal and living within my budget. And finding a balance between the two often means I need to manage my decisions throughout the day.
To make decisions that align with both of my priorities, I use a simple two-part criteria. If an opportunity, event, or decision benefits my wellness and fits within my budget, I say yes. If it does not meet both requirements, I say no. This approach helps me stay focused on what’s truly important to me; the only hard part is remembering to apply it.
7. What personal goals do you set?
Goals are essential in organizing our thoughts, dreams, tasks, and aspirations, both professionally and personally; this means they are significant indicators of what we find most important in our lives.
There are a million articles out there on setting goals. Still, I do want to highlight two valuable lessons I’ve learned in setting goals.
Always set more personal goals than professional ones. Look, it’s easy to have professional goals, but personal goals are more important, and so few people take personal goals seriously. By setting goals for my personal life, I’ve achieved a better balance between work and play.
Be mindful of how many goals you set. If you want to create more free time for the important things, stop filling your days up with too many goals and tasks; it defeats the purpose and is an unrealistic pace to set and keep. Instead, focus on living at a natural pace and plan your days accordingly, knowing that things may take a little longer to accomplish. Plan to do less with better quality and enjoyment.
8. How do you spend your free time?
Every day, we are given a limited amount of time (on earth, that’s 24 hours). For me, a significant portion is spent sleeping, eight hours to be exact. I also dedicate at least three hours to wellness activities, such as stretching, exercising, quiet time, and breathing exercises. On workdays, I devote eight hours to my job, leaving me with just 5 hours of free time per workday (13 hours on non-workdays).
How we fill these precious time slots is another key indication of what we value most. For example, to make the most out of the 5 hours of free time on workdays, I often engage in activities like watching a movie, reading, or cooking a nutritious dinner; these are all important to me to experience and enjoy in my daily life.
So take a moment and observe how you spend your free time, and identify if everything aligns with your values and goals. This exercise can be challenging at first, but it’s essential to identify areas where you can improve and make adjustments to your routine.
9. How much clutter do you have?
Our possessions can be a source of comfort if they are essential to us or a burden if they are unimportant. When we hold on to things we no longer need or care for, they take up valuable space in our physical lives, cloud our minds, and make it hard to see what truly matters.
I’ve found that removing as much clutter from my life as I can has made me feel lighter and more free. It’s allowed me to focus on the most meaningful possessions and how I honestly think of them.
I mean, possessions are not bad in and of themselves. But surrounding ourselves with too much of what we don’t care about (clutter) drags us down; having more of what we genuinely care about around us lifts us up.
10. Who do you spend personal time with?
Our personal time is valuable and should be guarded as if it were a nuclear missile silo, only open to a select few. So I think it’s essential to choose to spend time only with people that are important to us.
Who are the people you choose to let into your life?
Are there people you don’t want in your life anymore?
Life evolves and changes over time, so it shouldn’t be a surprise when, for example, we no longer want to hang out with someone. Take control of your life and be more than just a little selfish with your time (actually, scratch that, be stingy with your time). Life changes, and so do our priorities; sometimes, we just outgrow people.
So try this simple exercise: create a list of the individuals you spend time with each week. Then, analyze the list and determine who needs to be removed and who should be added.
That may sound harsher than it really is; the goal is to make sure we spend time with people who are important to us and not waste time with people we only hang out with because of habit.
A closing thought
Most people live on autopilot (I used to) and don’t do this work, so they never fully appreciate what it’s like to align their lifestyle with what matters most to them.
It takes practice to prioritize what you want in life, so just keep plugging away. When I started going through this process, I wasn’t used to self-reflection, so it proved a little challenging. But with repetition and patience, I got there, and the results are well worth the work, I promise.
Be honest in identifying the most essential things you want in life. Then, go about creating your perfect life filled with what matters most to you.
It’s out there, within reach.
