I'm an introvert who's busting some common stereotypes.

It was sometime in high school when I first noticed preferring smaller groups and time alone to large parties and social gatherings.

I had a handful of close friends, and we had several routines when we hung out.

We’d go to the movies, and since it was the mid-80s and the height of the arcade game experience (Space Invaders, Asteroids, Frogger, and Pac-Man), we also hung out at the local pizza joint to enjoy a few slices, free refills, and arcade.

It was a great way to kill a night without spending too much money (or seeing too many people).

The times we would go to parties were fine; it was fun to laugh and joke with everyone from school and all that entails at that age.

But, after a few hours or so, we’d have enough of that and usually left to hit the pizza joint again (and you can’t blame us; it was in New Jersey, and well, they make really good pizza in the Tri-state area).

And so it went for the rest of my life; I always preferred smaller groups and time alone to large parties and social gatherings.

Somewhere down the line, I became educated to the fact that these were personality traits of someone who is an introvert.

Okay, cool; nothing to see here.

What I find interesting, and often amusing, is reading articles discussing what it means to be an introvert that, in my opinion, are nothing more than wildly generalized stereotypes.

(I’m not here to throw anyone under the bus, so you can Google “What it means to be an introvert” yourself to witness the mess that’s out there if you’re interested).

But most of these articles make it sound like introverts don’t like meeting people at all, avoid socializing altogether, often make poor leaders, and tend to sit at home by themselves and their 9 cats rereading “The Catcher In The Rye” while drinking instant hot cocoa (without the marshmallows; the nerve!).

And for the record, that book wasn’t that great.

So, as a writer and introvert, I wanted to share my thoughts with you about two stereotypes and one benefit of being an introvert: call it my flavor of introverted. (Plus a fun quiz at the end).

Stereotype: Introverts don’t like to socialize

Since early 2022, I’ve been traveling full-time and living out of one (really nice) carry-on backpack, and I actually meet many more people now living on the road than I did when I lived in the States. I’m still an introvert; it’s just my lifestyle is different so that personality trait plays out differently.

When I had an office job, I got my fill of socializing at work, so in my off time, I embraced being alone; it’s what recharged my batteries. Now that I work for myself in an Airbnb studio most of the day, I enjoy my time going out, visiting new places, and introducing myself to others.

So, the idea that introverts don’t like to socialize is simply a false narrative, which is a fancy-pants way of saying it’s a lie.

Introverts prefer to spend the majority of their time by themselves, true, but not 100% of the time, and they need human interaction for the same reasons extroverts do; it improves our overall well-being. The difference is how we choose to allocate (or ration) our private and public time, which will vary depending on each individual; for some, an hour in public is enough, while others may enjoy several hours or more. For me, if I spend several days on vacation or at a trade show, I can enjoy those few days almost constantly interacting with people and socializing. But, it does tire me out, so as an introvert, after events like that, I’d benefit from a few days to myself because that quiet alone time is what energizes me.

Obviously, we don’t always have a choice; work, vacations, and different situations will require time out of our comfort zone, which is fine. Introverts don’t melt if they reach a certain socializing point; they just feel more comfortable most times being alone or spending quiet time with family and close friends.

For example, right now, I’m in Bangkok, and when I take a lunch break, run errands, or just go for a walk, I enjoy introducing myself to people and striking up a conversation, and sometimes we even stop for a coffee or something. And it’s a pleasant experience to chit-chat with someone new, even just for a few minutes. I mean, on any given grocery store run, I may introduce myself to a handful of people and maybe have one or two small talk conversations. But, if I had to do that for an extended period of time, I wouldn’t enjoy it.

So here’s the skinny on introverts and socializing. In the short term, introverts can find socializing fun and exciting, but in the long term, they find it tedious and exhausting (and will need quiet alone time at some point to recharge). Such is the complexity of being an introvert, but it certainly doesn’t mean we don’t like to socialize; we just prefer shorter bursts of it and focus on the quality of the interaction, not quantity.

Stereotype: Introverts can’t be managers

My last corporate gig was as VP of Marketing and Sales, and as an introvert, I managed a number of people without a problem. Now, there are a million ways to be a good manager, and as an introvert, I knew I preferred to work with self-starters because they require less hand-holding and micromanaging (which I don’t like doing), so I just got creative and embraced all that.

Over time, I created processes that gave the employees I managed more ownership of their jobs by allowing them to create their own plans to achieve their position goals; if they needed help, guidance, or input, the proverbial door was always open. Also, I set meeting times for status updates to create that one-on-one time to connect with the individuals and groups and section meetings to socialize together and reinforce that sense of team. All of which produced results, benefitted morale, and fulfilled my preferences as an introvert.

So, when I read articles about how introverts like to keep to themselves and the author extrapolates that to not being able to manage people effectively, I think that is inaccurate, creates a negative stereotype, and, frankly, is an extremely lazy take that shows no clear understanding of the dynamics and principles of introversion nor management.

Introverts can make great managers; they just need to implement processes that accommodate their personality traits while still developing employee skill sets and doing a great job producing for the company. But think about it: extroverts have to do the same thing. It’s unbelievable that people publish such garbage suggesting introverts can’t be leaders or managers. It’s poppycock, I tell you! (LOL).

Benefit: Introverts are present and savor

Sure, as an introvert, I prefer to stay home. But guess what? Keeping to myself allows me more time to be present about what is happening around me, be more observant, and notice details others may not see or choose to ignore. This includes being present with my intentions and mindful of my feelings and the actions I take to address them.

Introverts don’t just sit by themselves, stare at the wall, and mentally marvel at the infinite options a nice pair of khakis brings to a wardrobe (no matter how true that is). They use this time to noodle ideas and figure stuff out, and that includes getting in touch with what’s going on right now and how we feel about that. Literally, every introvert does this? Okay, busted; maybe not every introvert, but most of the gaggle do, which means we are great at living in the moment.

And living in the moment gives introverts that chance to truly savor things others rush by. When was the last time you held a freshly brewed cup of coffee under your nose for a full minute to appreciate the robust aroma? This afternoon, I put a piece of chocolate in my mouth, and instead of chewing it and swallowing, I just treated it like a Jolly Rancher and let it slowly melt away into nothing; you know, like really dialed into the deep, rich cocoa flavor and the creamy texture of it. Truly amazeballs.

And introverts parlay that superhero-savoring power into relationships and conversations, too. Because we often focus on the present, we stay dialed into conversations, picking up nuances, mannerisms, and meanings that casual participants often miss.

Now, introverts may not always be proactive at starting a conversation, but once engaged, we can really bring the brain to most discussions. So, reach out and find an introvert to talk to; the quiet ones usually offer the most valuable input.

Final thought

In a general sense, I think it’s safe to say introverts share one typical personality trait: preferring to be by themselves (or with small groups of people) most of the time, but not all the time. Some introverts may do well with only limited socializing. In contrast, others may enjoy longer stretches, but all eventually need to revisit their alone quiet time because that is how they recharge themselves. That’s kinda what makes them introverts.

But no two introverts are exactly alike, and making too many blanket statements is overgeneralizing and leads to stereotypes and even bigotry.

For me, I love who I am, and being an introvert is just a part of that. So, if you think you may be an introvert, lean into that and discover your flavor of introvert. That way, you can bust your own introversion myths and stereotypes you hear out there.